UNWAVERING

Unwavering is your will

Unwavering is your plan

The fount of salvation

On which I will stand

~ Matt Maher

“Perhaps one lesson the crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Christ illustrates is how a monumental setback can initiate a monumental comeback.  I realized that the Spirit given to us following the most amazing comeback in history also lives in us as believers and is interceding on our behalf.”

~ The Upper Room, “From Setback to Comeback”

*Another promise of God's faithfulness He showed me while out a few days ago*

In His Providence, the Lord is so very gracious and kind (I’m thinking of you, Jenn Scholle, when I say that).  This morning, I wake at 5:04am, once again in very uncomfortable pain (I hesitate to say extreme after reading Haley Chico’s blog who recently had spinal surgery and is having a difficult recovery).  My godly, tender  husband hears my cries and pulls me to his chest, interceding again to Great Physician for healing.  Frustrated, I say to him, “I just wish I could wake up one morning in no pain!” (mornings are my worst time, and I actually prefer to sleep in but the pain often prevents me from doing so).  I take Motrin, get my head ache mask, light a candle, and get in the hot bath, listening to my favorite Pandora station (Indelible Grace).  My tears become frozen on the cold pack.  When I get up, it appears my husband is still awake, so I walk over to “his side” of the bed with my candle, a tiny bright light illuminating our otherwise dark room.  It occurs to me that this candle represents a spiritual truth I’ve heard before in this saying: “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”  I whisper to Him through tears the revelation I’ve just had in the bath tub: Though I don’t know when it will be, One Day I will indeed wake up with no more pain.

While the dim light of the sunrise to come barely peeks over the Blue Ridge Mountains, I retreat to the comfort of music and jounaling words that heal my hurting heart.  I hear this Easter fave from Matt Maher:

We fix our eyes upon the Cross

And run to Him who bled for us

freely bled for us

Christ is risen from the dead

Trampling over death by death

Come awake, Come awake

Come and rise up from the grave

Oh, death, where is your string?

Oh, hell, where is your victory?

Oh, church, come stand in the light

Our God is not dead; He’s alive!

The Lord reminds me of a phrase I’ve heard before, from a tortured Egyptian believer at a Voice of the Martyrs conference:  “Christians Never Lose.”  It’s true!  Allow me to share a scenario that haunts my mind.  Let’s say God blesses me with 50 more years of life (don’t misread that to be my desire, but I’m willing to be here as long as He needs me).  I wake up every single morning for the next 18,250 days in pain.  I’m not able to function like I once did (read: “ballistic,” in the words of my physical therapist).  But I make it through the days.  I even find joy and grace in the midst of trials and trauma.  God allows me to invest in relationships and ministry -- my passions for pre-born babies, refugees/missions, discipling young women, and the gift of encouragement.  Lord willing, I see my children graduate, get married to godly spouses, have children.  Then, one day Jesus says, “Ok, Vanessa, it’s time to let go of your pain.  Come to Me.”  All I can think of when writing that is Psalm 84:10, “Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere.”  So I’ll be honest, I do long for “that day” -- deeply.  But in the meantime, I’m learning to consider it a privilege to share in the sufferings of Christ, albeit it in a much lesser way than being crucified and betrayed by those who once loved Him.  Come quickly, Lord Jesus, Come!   

God surprises us in the evening with an unexpected visit from David’s “second parents,” Bill and Ruth Stone, who sponsored him while he was at the Air Force Academy.  He even lived with them for awhile, and Bill discipled him through the Navigators ministry.  These are people who helped guide us through our courtship and generously opened their beautiful home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains to us and our extended families many times.  These folks were the first to sign up to support us financially when we decided to serve overseas as missionaries.  We haven’t seen them in several years, and they’ve never met most of our children.  But they “happen” to be in the general area for other reasons and are able to track down our phone number the day before they are to depart.  “We know Vanessa’s been ill, but can we stop by for a short time?  We’ll bring dinner.”  Dave and I only only need glance at each other momentarily before we say, “Absolutely!”  We decide not to stress about the house, or how we look AT ALL ... but just to let them come.  The next 3 hours remind me of the type of intimacy and fellowship we’ll have in heaven.  We eat, talk, laugh, share, and look at pictures.  Our children take to them as if they are their own grandparents.  Bill, a godly and strong spiritual leader, prays powerfully for guidance and provision.  Ruth, in her tenderness, prays sweet mercy and grace.

So yes, God allows pain in my life.  But prayerfully it is only for a time; and the abundance of blessings He pours out far outweigh the tragedy I feel.  So I echo the words of Matt Redman in his powerful song, “Blessed Be Your Name:”

On the road marked with suffering 

Though there's pain in the offering 

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out 

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

My heart will *CHOOSE* to say

Blessed be Your Name!