OVERCOMER

They say You came for the lame; I’m the lamest.” 

~ Lecrae, “Just Like You” 

“That even when we’re broken, we battle onward ... From where we stand, we can’t see whether it’s something’s good or bad. All we can see is that God’s sovereign and He is always good.” 

~ Ann Voscamp, “The Horse Principle”

My friend Angie sent me a note saying she thinks of me every time she hears Mandisa’s song, “Overcomer.”

Angie holding Clara as a newborn

The lyrics certainly resonate with what I’m currently experiencing, and brought fresh tears as I drove to the Doctor’s office AGAIN last week:

Stay in the fight ‘til the final round

You’re not going under

‘Cause God is holding you right now

You might be down for a moment

Feeling like it’s hopeless

That’s when He reminds you 

That you’re an overcomer

The same Man, the Great I Am

The One who overcame death is living inside of you

So just hold tight, fix your eyes

On the One who holds your life

There’s nothings He can’t do

“Don’t you ever get tired of going to the Doctor?” my generous friend Tia asked while driving me to UVA to see a GI specialist.  The answer is simple: absolutely.  But I realize there’s a difference between desires and reality.  For whatever reason, God has allowed this season of pain and medical interventions in my life.  I’m beginning to understand what Charles Spurgeon meant when he said: “I venture to say the greatest gift God can give us is health, with the exception of sickness.  Sickness has frequently been of more use to the saints of God than health has.”

This is why Ed Welch writes the following, sent to me by my friend Leigh: “James is familiar with suffering ... Notice why he is excited about trials: trials, he writes, have a purpose. They test our faith. They reveal what we worship, what we trust, what we love. His desire is that we become, 'mature and complete, not lacking anything.'  James does not naively assume that our hardships will be over this side of heaven. He assumes that they will continue. But James presents an emotional experience that is difficult to describe: joy, he writes, can be present during any wilderness experience. The cross can wipe out any doubt; on this end of history we can actually sing songs with joy when we are in the wilderness.” 

~Heart of the Matter

It looks like I will likely be facing two surgeries soon (removal of my gall bladder & the tumor on my ovary), though neither of them are urgent and we will do further testing to determine that there aren’t other root causes involved (specialized MRI and ovarian ultrasound Sept 3).  Thankfully, they are outpatient procedures and full recovery should be a few days to 2 weeks.  However, the Doctors are still not sure if and how these procedures will impact my overall health and the pain that seems to stem primarily from the fibromyalgia.  So, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time and trust that the Mighty One who formed me from dust knows the end from the beginning and every detail in between.  

I relate to the following thoughts from Jennifer Aaron in The Upper Room Devo: “[The Bible says] ‘See, I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tested you in the furnace of adversity.’ My adversity may not seem extreme to some ... But not one of the events in my life is easy for me; my grief is real, if not extreme. Thinking about what God can help me learn during this time has encouraged me. I have something to focus on besides the hurt.”  This particularly hit home as I walked the hallways of my daughter’s middle school after having lunch with her.  I read the following quote by Theodore Roosevelt on one of the teacher’s doors:  “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  I used to be one of those people who said, “Well, I may be facing a trial, but somebody in Africa is starving right now.”  I’ve since changed my mind set.  Pain is real, and it’s OK to verbalize it.  Though what I struggle with might not be difficult for others, it’s valid just to say it’s a challenge for me.  Also, what I see other Moms accomplishing doesn’t have to be the “plumb line” for me.  I need to rest in the afternoons, and can’t go on long field trips with my kids.  But I need not let that steal my joy just because God made some women “SuperMom” (like my dear neighbor & friend Angie who continually amazes me).

 SuperMom Angie

As I figuratively limp along, God is speaking clearly to David and me not to withdraw or be uninvolved in ministry, but quite the opposite.  While we prefer to operate out of a position of strength, in many ways He has us operating out of a position of weakness.  Perhaps that’s why Paul says, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, hardships, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).  In faith, we decided to host an Indonesian student in our home this summer.  It was risky; my health issues and David’s job are unpredictable.  But as far as we could tell, we were the only Christian family in our area who’s lived in Indonesia.  This is her first time to the States, and she needed a temporary place to stay and then help getting settled on campus.  Although I’ve only known her for a few weeks now, I can honestly say she feels like part of the family.  She came over for a Sunday afternoon visit this past week, and at some point during the day I came up the stairs and saw her curled up on the couch with a blanket reading a book.  It made my heart so happy to see her feel “at home” (“Rumah kami, rumah kamu” I told her in Indonesian: “Our house is your house.”)

Elisa sharing at her Welcome Party

The other area God has called us to “step out of faith” during this difficult time is hosting a small group this year.  Without going into detail, I will simply say that God has already richly provided and given us an excitement for this fellowship ... and we haven’t even begun to meet yet!  Check out this hilarious video that one of our pastors showed us during the training:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34G_R0svxWk

God continues to show His faithfulness, in ways that could only be orchestrated by His providence.  My new, young friend Abe texted me this verse earlier last week: “When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply, till I entered the sanctuary of God” (Psalm 73:16-17).  I thought about that a lot, how I needed to be constantly in His presence and close to Him to even begin to understand my troubles.  A few days later, my Biblical Counselor opened her Bible to share a verse God had given her for me.  You guessed it!  Psalm 73:16-17.

In closing, I’ll share a few “nuggets” of the most encouraging emails I’ve received from you all.  God is so good, and brings healing and living water through your words.  Please know that even if I do not acknowledge them all, they bring hope day by day.

“I thought of you and how strong you are when I saw this so I had to send it your way. Keep your chin up beautiful cousin....you are a fighter and everyday is a new day.” ~ Nikki

Celebrating Nikki's special day last year in San Diego

“Your heart to continue blessing others despite your own overwhelming circumstances causes me to recognize even more clearly from Whom all gifts really come.  Even (I would say, *especially*) when we have reached the end of our own strength, God's strength carries us and works straight through us.” ~Caroline

“It’s funny how clear it can be to see from the outside that God is directing, guiding, and leading someone's story to someplace wonderful. He has His glory written all over yours.  And as you heal, you will indeed share that healing with others.  You can't really reach the broken until you've been there--and there are so many broken hearts who will need your love.” ~ Jan

“I remember writing you, I think it was just after you left for the mission field and I had been mulling over Philippians 3:10 ‘...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death...’  I have thought of that verse over and over and over in relation to your suffering.  I pray that you are so blessed in knowing Christ deeply through this trial. ~ Melissa

“Pain is where Jesus meets us. He meets us in other places too, but don’t you find that it is the pain where we know Him better, trust Him more, and discover what faithfulness really means?” ~ Lisa